A Totally Gratuitous Extract. Thoughts?

I don’t want to just rush into my first meeting with Curious; I feel it’d give the wrong impression. It took me a long time to understand why she behaved the way she did- and there was no great secret about it. She acted that way because she wanted to. But back then I had a habit of taking things personally; for the sake of my friend, therefore, allow me to describe her.

Maybe if she’d had a different kind of mind, she would have been pretty. As it was, her hair was a halo of short, boyish brown curls; her skin was sallow, and she always seemed to have a single pimple on her face. I know it can’t have been the same pimple, because it would occasionally move around- she’d go to sleep with it on her chin and wake up with it on her nose- but it was the subject of much internal debate for me. I was no fussy dresser, but Curious was shabby to the point of flamboyance, always bundled up in several old and ugly jumpers, with jeans that weren’t fashionably tattered so much as gnawed-looking, as if she’d been chewing on her own knees; yet her hands were long and pale as snow-spiders, forever scuttling over piano keys, winding into her hair, leafing through pages.

And on first sight, of course I took no notice of her eyes- I was honestly more preoccupied with trying to read the label on her ice-cream tub from across the room. But many years later, the thought flashed into my head that Curious had the eyes of a child who’d seen something awful, and had never been able to forget it.

She was the kind of person who wrote in pencil over every book she read. Her handwriting was large, childish. She used strawberry-flavoured toothpaste. Her shampoo- it smelled of apples.

I’ve probably said too much. Let me get back to the story.

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16 thoughts on “A Totally Gratuitous Extract. Thoughts?

    • Um… in my head? I’m working on chapter 1 this second lol. Basically, I wrote the whole thing a couple years back- and kept rewriting it- and then unearthed it a week ago and decided to do the whole thing over again. I just didn’t know if anyone would be reading the damn thing if I posted it here 🙂 but now I might.

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  1. I think that whatever you’re doing here, this is a good start. It’s very vivid in its descriptiveness. the question you need to ask yourself is do we need to know all this about Curious for the story to go forward? I enjoyed the depictions though, but maybe you could just stick them in bits and pieces in the story?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the feedback 🙂 I think a little context is necessary here- this is the start of chapter three, and the girl being described died six years before the narrator is writing this. He’s basically trying to reconstruct her public image. Anyway, advice accepted 🙂 thanks.

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  2. Yes, it’s not the physical descriptions that made me lean forward but the quirky character traits the narrator observed and commented on. That send a clearer picture to me of Curious than any hair or eye color. I like her already.

    Liked by 1 person

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