so, i just realised i haven’t posted in eleven days, whoops. i do however have an excuse: i seem, somehow, to have acquired a job. for the past five days i have been working as a paid fundraiser for a charity (which shall here go unnamed), which basically means knocking on people’s doors & asking them for money. the experience has been… mixed. it’s a really cool job in some ways- like at least you’re outside & walking around (my GOD are you walking around) & i’ve had some really nice guys in my group. you talk to some lovely people, too. but it’s also kinda mentally & physically exhausting- you have to be mentally ‘on’ all the time, & if you know me you’ll know that i have trouble being mentally ‘on’ for ten bloody minutes. you also tend to walk about fifteen to twenty miles per shift, so i’ve been crashing when i get home every night. snacks are the key. i’ve been surviving on plums & pecan pie nakd bars.
after my first shift, i wrote: it was nerve-wracking & disheartening & difficult, but at least i got to see the pale evening sky, & the gibbous moon bearded w/ mist, & sea-foam roses in someone’s garden, & the stars above a tiny train station in the middle of nowhere. & that’s true: i’d rather do this than some soulless retail job.
yesterday, though. oh, boy. yesterday was a fucking catastrophe. our train was cancelled (due to someone jumping in front of a train somewhere in essex), so we were late to shift (which meant we didn’t have a break, &, listen, when your shift is six hours of walking around as fast as you can you really, really need a break). five hours later, we were exhausted, we hadn’t got any signups, a woman had been a complete bitch to me. then, just as we got our route very tangled up & were wondering whether we’d knocked this street before, a massive storm hit. i had no umbrella & was wearing a little purple hoodie. r.i.p. for the next hour i was knocking doors in the pitch black with water streaming down my face, holding my rain-smeary glasses between fingers that had gone numb fifteen minutes ago, having to get my group to point out which bits of the houses were the doors because i was blind as a bloody bat.
it took me two trains, fifty minutes’ walking, & nearly three hours to get back to edric, after which i had the longest hottest shower of my life & woke jo up so that i could bitch to her. man, it’s a good thing i’m getting paid by the hour.
in other news:
-jo & i made the best cookies of our LIVES last week. i joke not. the millies’ cookies recipe on bbc goodfood, guys: it’s idiot-proof. if you want lil round cookies that are super soft inside & taste like annie lennox’s voice w/ added chocolate chips, i highly recommend. we made bonfire toffee tea & watched princess kaguya & then howl’s moving castle to cheer us up bc we were both crying our eyes out. listen, i want to live in that film. i just really relate to howl, okay. i too live in a cave full of glittering paraphernalia & exude large quantities of slime when i’m frustrated. (jo claims kinship w/ sophie.)
-i’ve started reading paradise lost, which, DAMN, son. i have fallen unabashedly into the lucifer camp. listen, he’s so bizarrely sympathetic! he’s arrogant & self-sacrificing & remorseful & independent & there’s some GORGEOUS lines on his black-winged flights through the gloomy deeps. i’ll do a proper excerpts post later.
-i’m also reading eugene onegin, which is unexpectedly very, very funny, & also rather moving & beautiful & full of flickering movement & life. the stanley mitchell translation is so good!
-also, listen up, fellow spn dudes: the new hillywood parody. oh my GOD. tears of joyous mirth, my brethren.
-anyway, after the shitty day i had yesterday jo & i are engaging in some hardcore r&r, which means we’re debuting the grimy takeaway down the road & watching submarine. there may also be grilled peaches & red wine involved, & writing, & coconut frozen yogurt.
greetings from MADGE THE SNOOVER & CAPTAIN OF THE FEMALE DANDIES.